why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
