it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
