I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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