Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
