I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
