so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
