I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
