I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
