i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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