it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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