You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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