I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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