But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
