Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
