I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
