He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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