he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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