Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sacagawea was the original milf.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
