Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
