Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize