I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
