This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
