Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize