you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize