Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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