Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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