Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
