I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
