Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
