Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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