No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
