Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
