burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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