He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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