At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
