I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
