apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
