was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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