Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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