All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Welp...herpes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
