What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
