I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
