I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
