just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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