Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
