Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
