If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
