yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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