I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
