ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
