Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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