Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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