Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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