I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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