last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
