I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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