At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
