I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
