I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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