Fuck appropriateness.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
