I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
