just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
