I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
