Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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