I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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