if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
