She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
