I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
